Choose
by half-human
Summary: Derek must choose


Title: Choose

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Derek must choose

Disclaimer: Don't own GA-- don't sue plz. ;p

A/N: ok, this is kind of old, but I just finished it now b/c I'm procrastinating and really don't want to do my computer science hwk.

-8-8-8-

Derek broke out into a cold sweat as he was shaken from his sleep by a worried looking Izzie and frantic George. "You have to come!" Izzie insisted tugging at Derek's wrinkled scrubs and pulling him up from the cot in the tiny on-call room.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked brushing his hair out of his face and rubbing his eyes. Izzie didn't respond. She just kept pulling at Derek's sleeve and led him out of the small room.

As Derek stepped out he noticed that despite the fact that the hallways were packed with apparent car-crash victims, all eyes were on him. He felt a chill pass through him and felt as if Izzie and George were leading him to an ultimate destination, a moment-- a place in time where he would have to face something grave.

Indeed that was the case.

As Derek stepped into OR2 he was gripped by the scene before him. Two his right laid a bloodied Addison, body limp, eyes flickering. To his left, a blood-soaked Meredith, hair an eerie crimson and matted against her face. And then the eyes, everyone in the OR stared at Derek. He had reached that moment, he had been awoken, and now the nervous cries of Izzie brought forth his greatest fear: "Dr. Shepherd, they both were injured in the crash, you have to treat them!" Derek stared at Izzie and then looked around. Everyone knew it, everyone sensed the inevitable: he would only be able to treat one; one woman would die.

-8-8-8-

Derek shook his head. 'How could this be happening?' he thought, trying to control his breathing and incipient nausea. "Dr. Shepherd," Izzie spoke sternly, "everyone's held up, all the ORs are busy, it's up to you. You have to choose." There. She said it. He had to choose. Derek felt as if the lighting in the OR zoned in on him. The temperature rose and Derek felt rivulets of sweat trickle down his forehead. He felt as if he was under scrutiny, or as if he were a patient being carefully monitored. Everything quieted down. All that could be heard were the beeps, chirps, and swooshes of the medical machinery along with the erratic breathing of the women in danger.

He attentively took a step forward and looked to his right. Addison looked so alien to him. She was knocked out. Her face was heavily bruised and swollen, but past the gruesome façade, Derek saw the woman he had fallen in love with. He saw her warm smiles, felt her loving gestures-- morning snuggling, mid-day kisses, inappropriate afternoon 'meetings' in on-call rooms. Derek could here her laughter and sensed her presence. He balled his fist, and forced himself to turn away.

And then there was Meredith. She looked like a rag doll, sprawled on the OR table, life signs barely noticeable. Her fair skin and light hair clashed with the blood that covered her and her left eye was bruised to the point that it was closing up. As he looked at Meredith, he could hear her pleads for commitment on his part and her clever, yet sweet remarks that he loved. He felt her longing, her longing to be with him, and he could smell the sweet perfume she'd always sprits on herself every morning.

"I…I," Derek stepped back, lifting his hands in front of him in a form of surrender. He shook his head.

"Dr. Shepherd," Izzie pleaded, "you have to choose."

"I…I can't," Derek whispered, feeling the muscles in his body tense and his breathing become as erratic as the injured women in front of him.

"No. You _must_. You are a doctor, a surgeon, and these women's lives are in _your_ hands."

Izzie's words were mere mumbles as Derek lost himself in countless memories. Memories of his relationship with Addison and of his relationship with Meredith flashed before him. He felt as if he really wasn't in the OR but instead suspended in some other realm, a realm of recollections where memories tore at him from all directions and made him ache within.

"Doctor!" Izzie cried, pulling Derek back to the OR. "Choose!" Derek looked at the women. Addison suddenly started convulsing; her chest rose up and down and banged against the table. Then it was Meredith. She began to shake, her arms starting twitching, and her head struck the table as it shot up and down. Derek's breath caught. The lighting in the OR intensified. His vision held both women, violently shaking, both on the verge of a dangerous relapse.

"Choose!" Izzie cried.

The room grew hot.

"Doctor!" another voice called. People tug at his scrubs, trying to make him react.

Derek swore that the room started spinning and the only things in focus were Addison and Meredith.

"You must choose!"

Nausea crept up again, bile slowly rose up.

"Just choose!"

He was on the edge, about to crack, but felt a certain power over take him; a feeling, an old feeling. He felt his old doctor mentality begin to take reign over his emotions and suddenly found that he was able to breathe. He took a step forward, blocked out the incessant calls of those around him and inhaled.

"I..I choose-"

"WAKE UP!" Derek suddenly heard someone shout. Derek broke out into a cold sweat as he was shaken from his sleep by a worried looking Izzie and frantic George.

"What the hell?" he murmured to himself. "What just happened?" he asked, agape. Derek looked around. 'Where am I?' he questioned furiously, 'what… happened?' "Was it…real?" he asked out loud. Izzie stood in front of him, shook her head and dismissed his question.

"You have to come!" Izzie insisted tugging at Derek's wrinkled scrubs and pulling him up from the cot in the tiny on-call room.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked brushing his hair out of his face and rubbing his eyes. Izzie didn't respond. She just kept pulling at Derek's sleeve and led him out of the small room.

"Wait," Derek stopped, feeling as if what was happening was greater than déjà vu. A small knot formed in his gut. "This can't be happening."

As Derek stepped out he noticed that despite the fact that the hallways were packed with apparent car-crash victims, all eyes were on him. 'No, it was a dream,' he said, rushing past the peering eyes, and following Izzie. As the doors of the ER grew closer, Derek began to feel dizzy. 'Why is this happening?' he questioned and then he stopped again. He stood in front of the doors, scared to see what dwelled behind them.

"Come on," Izzie sighed, she opened the door and Derek swore his knees were about to buckle. "Catherine Johnson, 25, side struck by an oncoming car, needs emergency treatment." Derek froze, turned to Izzie, then to the scene in front of him. On the OR table lay a middle-aged women with dark black hair and caramel colored skin. She was covered in blood and bruises, but injuries aside, she was definitely no Addison, or Meredith.

Derek gave a sigh of relief. He had never felt so on edge before. Izzie pulled him into the OR, completely unaware of Derek's distress. Derek immediately went into surgeon-mode, but couldn't shake his feelings of fear and insecurity. Had he really been forced to choose between Addison and Meredith, would he be able to? Derek felt another chill, because even though he was focused on his surgery and the two women he was involved with were not in mortal danger, he knew he had to make the choice eventually: Addison or Meredith.

'Someday,' he thought, 'Addison or Meredith.'

-8-8-8-

A/N: kk, I know, its like another stalemate lol, but plz r/r anywayz ;p hahaha


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